Over the past few weeks, I have dealt with some pretty frustrating people and have almost certainly ran into some obstacles. I try to just see these things as part of the game and try to think that all will be well in the end; things must fall apart so better things can fall together, right? I trust my intuition, patience and intense passion. Given all these hard times, I am never too busy to connect to those who trust, love and need me. I'm trying.
I felt at one point that I'm at my best in constant motion to take some action, not doing nothing because by doing that, being left to my own thoughts with only those walls to talk to will drive me insane. By being able to keep treading water, to keep moving up that god-damn hill, it didn't matter to me having to laugh in the face of my limitations, things that are or seem impossible. I took responsibility of it with the understanding that no one can shoulder that burden for me, and no one should ever have to. Because that's damn selfish of me, even if they feel inclined to bear that weight. And I can't decide what's best for them, to keep being selfish, or to minimize the damage while I still can..
I believe our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult we can take is to be honest with ourselves. With that, not being afraid to admit, that there are certain things that I know are wrong - but they just feel so right. I love to love and sometimes, in situations like these, my obsessions take control of me and often end up hurting the people I love. I try to weigh the considerations and then be caught short. But to me, there are no lost causes. I've been there, done that and may have suffered; damaged goods and shit. But it's all good. I'm grounded by the spirit and support meaningful experiences, valuable life lessons that I'll carry with me always. With that, I think I'm able to shift gears with silent recovery.
I hate treating life as if it goes on forever. I'm not willing to remain where my judgments are impaired. But being vulnerable, I must rely on guidance to keep going - but at the moment, I feel pretty blind lol. As the saying goes, happiness comes from the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed.
I'm not immature, I'm not naive. I'm learning. I'm getting there. Just give me time.